Sleep To Dream Her
by soulshine1
Summary: Hermione Granger had always been sure of who she was, but when a secret from her past so dark and deep even she had made herself forget changes her life Hermione begins to retreat into herself. Depression and suicidal tendences ensure. R&R.
1. The Dream

Hey. This is my first Harry Potter fic, so I'm really just experimenting with the characters, etc. Thanks for coming in here and reading. Comments and reviews are always really appreciated, so feel free to leave them :D The first chapter is really just an introduction, I assure you more will be revealed very soon.

I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters in here (unfortunantly), JK Rowling and other people do.

Also, the story has undergone a slight name change. I decided that I didn't like the other one. Hopefully this one will stick. It doesn't necessaily have much to do with the actual story, although it might, I just like it :D

And now without further adeu...  


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**Sleep To Dream Her**

_Hermione Granger had never questioned who she was. No matter what happened to her, no matter how many things changed around her she had always known herself, and she always would. Or so she thought..._  


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"Bye Harry! Bye Ron!" Hermione called behind as she stepped off the Hogwarts Express and on to platform 9 3/4. 'Another year over,' she thought to herself.

"Hermione!" a voice to her right called. She whipped her head around in time to see her mother and father running towards her.

Margaret Granger reached her daughter first a pulled her in to a tight hug. "Oh, I missed you so much!"

"Yeah... I missed you too," Hermione giggled, slightly embarrassed. "Y-you can let go now you know." Her mother was still holding on to her.

Her dad was next, repeating the ordeal. She smiled awkwardly and busied herself with gathering her luggage. Her parents had always been very loving people, and with her being an only child and all it wasn't like she had ever been deprived of their love, they'd been a little overbearing at times, if anything. But this... this was a little out of character, even for them. Hermione shrugged off the uneasy feeling that was overcoming her and followed her parents out of Kings Cross Station.  


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_June 3rd_

Dear Diary,

Arrived home today. It's really nice to be back in my own room, and have my own bathroom! I swear, if I didn't practically bash the door down every morning demanding Lavender and Parvati remove themselves, I probably wouldn't bathe all term!

Mum and Dad were acting really strange at the station when they came to pick me up. I don't know what's going on. They seemed very clingy and almost - dare I say it - too nice. It disturbed me, to be honest. But I don't want to jump to any conclusions too soon, not without a possible explanation; something that I don't have at the present time.

With Love,  
H.  


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_July 25th_

Dear Diary,

Just a short update:

Mum and Dad seem to have gone back to normal. I knew it was nothing. I've been very busy with homework; the teachers have given us so much to do! But I'm really enjoying this essay for History Of Magic about how the Magic Community has viewed Muggles over time. It's really interesting.

Haven't heard much from Ron or Harry. Not seeing them for such a long time really makes me miss them and realise how much I value their friendship. I don't know what I'd do without it. But I'm not going to get sappy here.

Got to finish my essay.

H.  


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Hermione woke early, as she seemed to have been doing the past few days. Waking up early, such as at 6 or 6:30 AM wasn't abnormal for her - she liked it in fact, she felt it gave her more time to pack as much as she could into her day - but waking up at 4:30 AM three days in a row was. This time she was sure she had been dreaming something just before she woke. A feeling of deja vu washed over her: a feeling she had had that dream before. But what was the dream? For the life of her, she couldn't remember... Hermione wracked her brains trying to conjure up an image that would help her figure it out.

But nothing came. Not. A. Thing. All that she knew was that the memory of a dream she couldn't even remember made her cringe and brought a shiver to her spine.

She sighed and rolled over, trying to get back to sleep, even if only for a few more hours...  


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Eep! What'd you think?? 


	2. The Experience

Well, here's the second chapter (obviously). Hope you enjoy it. I live on feedback, so any would be greatly appreciated.

EDIT 12/12: Not important. Just edited one of Hermione diary entires (thanks for the advice Saya-Sato).  


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While getting ready the next morning Hermione happened to glance at her calendar. July 31st. 'One month,' she thought. 'Then, back to Hogwarts.' But hold on... July 31st... July 31st... There was something else about the date that was strangely familiar...

"Harry!" she exclaimed suddenly. "His birthday! How could I have forgotten."

No sooner had she realised than a large snowy owl swooped in her open window. The swish of its wing startled her and she took a step backwards.

"Oh, Hedwig! Hello." She gave the bird a stroke and untied the letter from its leg."

_Dear Hermione,_

How are you? Hope you've had a good holiday so far. I've been able to sneak out from the Dursley's. I'm staying at the Burrow until we go back to school. Do you want to catch up?

Ron and I can come pick you up. We should go into London, I haven't done that for a really long time. Try and send your answer as soon as you can. We'll come at around midday to get you.

Harry.

She gabbed her quill and some spare parchment that was lying on the heavy oak desk in her room.

_Harry,_

That sounds great. I'll see you and Ron at midday.

Love,  
Hermione.

Hermione tied the letter back to Hedwig and sent her off to deliver it. She ran downstairs to find her parents sitting in the kitchen; her mother cleaning the dishes and her dad reading the paper.

"Mum, Dad, I'm going out with Harry and Ron today. It's Harry's birthday, we're going into London to celebrate. They coming at 12. OK?"

Steven Granger looked up at her. "Sure, honey." A cheesy grin was plastered to his face. He turned to look at the clock in the kitchen. It was half past 11 already. "Well you better get ready; have a great day!" He kissed her on the forehead. Hermione tried to hide her surprise as she left the room.

Back in her room she pulled out the notebook she kept as a diary.

_July 31st_

Dear Diary,

They're acting weird again. I just went downstairs to let them know I'm going out today and both of them looked unusually happy. I don't understand; what's going on?! They've never been like this before.

I also keep having this reoccurring dream. I can never remember it, but I hate the way it makes me feel.

With love,  
Hermione.

The sound of the doorbell rang throughout the house. Hermione grabbed her bag and a jacket - just incase - and ran downstairs.

"Bye!" she called behind her as she opened the front door and walked through it. Harry and Ron stood in front of her. She threw her arms around both of them and gave them a tight hug. The three of them walked down the path and towards the waiting car.  


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Hermione, Harry and Ron walked down a busy London street, shopping bags hanging off their arms. The sun was beginning to get lower in the sky and the moon was clearly visible.

"Let's go in here," Hermione said pointing to a small cafe on their right.

Soon they were seated and had ordered.

"Today was great," Harry told them. "Thanks guys. It's been a good birthday." He smiled.

"Well, I'm glad you a good day," Ron said sarcastically. "My feet are killing me. No one told me that Miss Granger over here would insist that we practically walk from one end of London to the other, not to mention the numerous trips we made to Diagon Alley!"

They all laughed and Hermione turned a slight shade of pink.

"Excuse me for a moment," she said as she got up from the table.

She turned to ask the waitress where she would be able to find the bathrooms but was only met with the hard surface of someone else's body. Hermione was knocked back and fell to the ground. Her head hit a table on the way and the world turned back.

_She tried to stand up. "Where do you think you're going?" a deep voice behind her asked._

She didn't know who the voice belonged to but it evoked a fear so deep that she screamed and knew she had to get away... somehow.

"Shut up!" it said harshly. A hand wrapped itself around her mouth.

She tried to struggle free, but the man holding her was too strong. She looked around desperately for something she could defend herself with, but saw nothing of use.

Everything seemed so big to her... What was going on? Where was she? She didn't recognise her surroundings at all. The sound of a zipper rang through her ears. Still, she didn't understand what was going on. Then pain ripped through her body. Tears began to fall down her face. She screamed against the hand over her mouth.

"Hermione," a familiar voice called... it was so soft though, so far away...

"Harry?" The pain still wracked her body and she winced. "Harry!"

"Hermione! Please... Hermione, open your eyes," Harry's voice was slightly louder this time.

She screamed as the pain came to a final, almost unbearable point. Her breathing became ragged.

"Herm?"

"Harry?" She opened her eyes. Ron, Harry and half of the cafe patrons were leaning over her. Both Ron and Harry showed a level a fear in their eyes that Hermione had never seen in them before.

"Wh-what happened?" she asked softly.

"You fell over and knocked yourself out," Ron told her.

"But then you started screaming... Are you OK?" Harry's voice was edged with tears, he swallowed slowly. "We were really scared."

She was so confused. 'What had just happened?' she thought. Where had she been? Who was the man? And the pain... what was... "Oh my gosh..." She brought her hand up to cover her mouth in shock. A single tear trickled down her cheek, but she wiped it away quickly so that no one saw. The pain... that had been from... She couldn't say it... She couldn't even think it.

"Can we just go? I would really like to leave." Hermione stood up and steadied herself on Harry's shoulder.

"Maybe we should take you to the hospital, or something? You may have a concussion," Ron said shakily.

"NO! Just take me home," Hermione told them firmly.

"O-OK."

The whole car trip home Hermione was silent. The atmosphere in was tense to say the least. Neither of the boys knew what to say, they didn't even know what had happened.

When they arrived at Hermione's house Harry walked her to the door.

"Herm-" Harry began.

"Don't say anything. I'm fine. I don't need you to worry."

Harry knew Hermione. Things weren't fine. But what could he do? She was stubborn and hardheaded, and she definitely wouldn't listen to him. He just wanted her to know that he cared... he cared a lot. What had happened earlier had scared him more than he'd been scared in a long time. Seeing her screaming and thrashing on the floor and not being able to do anything to help her had made him feel so weak and useless.

"Bye Harry," she said and quickly walked inside before he could reply.  


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Inside, Hermione said a quick hello to her parents and went upstairs to her room where she threw herself on her bed and finally allowed herself to let out the emotion she'd been holding in for the past hour.

_Dear Diary,_

I'm so confused. I was with Ron and Harry in a cafe today when I accidentally ran into someone and knocked myself out. Then I had this... I don't even know what call it... a dream maybe... but it was so real - I was in a strange house and I was so small and weak. A man grabbed me and then he... he raped me.

But what kind of a dream is that?! And dreams don't hurt. I could feel the pain.

The man's voice; it seemed so familiar... but I don't know from where... I can't place it.

"Steven!" Margaret yelled from downstairs. "We have to tell her!"

"Keep your voice down!"

"She deserves to know. What good do you think it's doing keeping this all from her?!"

Hermione threw the diary onto the floor. It was pretty unusual for her parents to fight, especially so loudly, but she didn't want to hear it right now, whatever it was about. She flopped back onto her bed and tried to block out everything around her. 


	3. A Truth Finally Told

Hermione surveyed her room. It was pretty neat, especially considering she'd just pulled most of it apart while packing for school. All of her clothes were laid out on her bed; the ones she needed to put into her trunk in one pile and the ones that she would wear the next day in another. She was about to start packing everything in when a voice from downstairs called her name.

"Hermione!"

She dropped the t-shirt she was holding and walked obediently down the stairs towards the living room, where her parents were.

"Yeah?"

"Um..." Her mother looked at her father silently asking if it were the right thing to do. He gave a small nod. "There something we have to tell you..."

The next few moments past in a blur. She didn't want to hear what they were saying, was this some kind of a sick joke? The looks on their faces told her it was not.

Rape.

It cut through her like a knife.

Adoption.

She felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't believe...

The two people in front of her looked at her with worry written all over their faces. These were the two people that she thought she could trust above anyone else, the ones who would, at all costs, protect her from hurt and deciet and lies and all the bad in the world, and they... they had just admitted that they had lied to her for her entire life.

"We're sorry... we're so sorry..." Her mother was saying over and over.

"You're not my mother," Hermione thought out-loud.

Margaret Granger looked at her daughter in shock, a loud sob escaped her lips as she buried her face in her hands. Her husband, Steven tried to comfort her as best he could.

Hermione was rather calm considering what she had just been told, but she wasn't really sure how to react. It's not every day you get told by your parents that you're adopted and that you were raped and abused by your biological father as a small child. "How could you do this to me? Only now you decide to tell me?" her voice held no emotion.

"Honey, we never wanted to hurt you. That's the last thing we were ever thinking. We thought that maybe you had remembered what happened and that bringing it all up again would just be painful and unnecassary... for everyone." Steven looked at her, searching for any hint of what was to come. "We acknowledge and agree that looking back, it probably wasn't the best choice we've ever made." That was Steven, always clear, logical and levelheaded; maybe that was who she picked it up from.

"No, you're right. In fact, I would go as far as to say, it was the worst." Hermione wasn't in the mood for being civil, the anger that had been brooding underneath her calm exterior had quickly risen to the surface. "I always thought of both of you as loving, caring people and I never doubted anything you said or did for a minute. But now, I can see that you're both just selfish; you only care about making things easy for yourselves and you never cared about me!" Her eyes felt hot and tears began to gather at the corners.

"And not only do you wait until I'm 16 to tell me all this, no, that just wasn't good enough, you pick the fantastic time of telling me the night before I go back to school?!" She looked at them again with hatred, it was all she felt. Hatred. Hatred to everything. She hated her parents for not telling her; she hated the world for being so cruel; she even hated her friends for the simple selfish reason of not having to go through what she was going though.

Hermione was fed up, she felt she'd said all she needed to say and it didn't look like either of her parents were about to start talking any time soon.

"You know what? I'm leaving. I don't have to deal with this. I definitely don't have to deal with you."

"Hermione, please... don't do this. You're very emotionally charged at the moment. Don't go doing something you'll regret. Please..." Margaret pleaded.

Hermione took no notice of these words and began to walk out of the kitchen and towards her room to gather her things.

"Hermione!" Steven said firmly, trying a differnent approach. "Don't ignore your mother like that young lady. Show some respect, that's not how we brought you up! I know you're feeling angry and hurt and you have the right to be, but you have no right to-"

Hermione turned at the foot of the stairs and looked her father in the eyes. "Don't you DARE tell me what to do. What right do _I_ have?" She couldn't believe her ears. "What right do _you_ have to keep this from me, huh? And don't tell me how I feel. You have NO idea how I feel. I hate you!"

With that, Hermione turned and walked up the stairs and out of their sight. 


End file.
